


Let Me Make It Up To You

by librapinof



Series: Phan Smut (Book) [15]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 AU, 2012 angst, Angst, Apologies, Bottom Dan Howell, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Dan Howell, Gay Phil Lester, Happy Ending, M/M, Making Love, Romance, Sad Dan Howell, Sad Phil Lester, Smut, Top Phil Lester, dan is so cute, happy boys, refinding love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librapinof/pseuds/librapinof
Summary: "Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, pulling him back down to start another kiss, slowing them down almost like they were relearning each other as their tongues brushed against each other. They kissed slow yet heavy, exploring each other's mouths almost as if it was their first night together all over again. Both boys were burning with desire and passion yet neither of them wanted to move fast, they never wanted it to end."~*~*~aka a fic about after the 2012 incident and how Dan tries to apologise and make it up to Phil leading to beautiful smut of them making love to rekindle their love





	Let Me Make It Up To You

**Author's Note:**

> honestly this is my favourite part of this Phan Smut book so far. it came out so much better than I thought it would and just, ahh I hope you enjoy it too.

It had been the longest and most stressful seven months Dan and Phil had ever experienced before. After YouTube de-privatised Phil’s video to Dan, all hell broke loose, sending the lives of both boys into utter chaos. Dan wasn’t prepared for their relationship to be public, Dan wasn’t ready for the confrontations that came with being anything other than straight, and Dan wasn’t ready to label himself as specifically something, he just wanted to be happy with Phil.

Phil had come to terms with who he was and who he loved and it wasn’t as emotionally chaotic for him, but on the flipside, having to handle the emotional wreck that was Dan Howell wasn’t an easy task. There were days he wanted to murder Dan, and other days things felt almost normal. He never knew which days were going to be good or which days would be bad because it was all based on how Dan woke up that morning.

More nights had been spent apart than together and their sex life went on a massive decline. If they did have sex, it was angry, it was rough, and it was for nothing more than to get off, rather than passionate and with love.

Everything between them was strained, from their sex life to their videos. Everyone could tell something was wrong and yet people were relentless. They were bombarded with comments about being a couple, about lying about being a couple, calling them out as gay, and some people making sure to use the most derogatory slang they could find against the two boys.

It had now been the end of the seventh month of strain between them since the event happened and it was finally starting to weigh on Dan how mean he had been to Phil over the whole event. Dan was mad, and rightfully so, but he finally opened his eyes wide enough to see that he was taking his anger out on Phil when it wasn’t really Phil’s fault. This had happened to a lot of people’s videos, not just Phil’s, and they weren’t the only people who had had hidden videos show up to the public. It wasn’t their fault people were mean and people being mean didn’t give Dan the right to be an asshole to Phil over an accident.

Usually Dan would hang out in the lounge during the day, sitting in his browsing position to hide away on what he thought was the safe side of the internet to funnel out his emotions, but today he hid out in his room, letting his mind run wild as he thought about how he was going to fix everything he had done to Phil during this whole ordeal.

When Phil first noticed Dan saunter off to his room, he wasn’t that concerned – he was under the impression it was one of the bad days and this was going to brew into a fight. As the day progressed though, he got more and more worried about his boyfriend as Dan hadn’t emerged in quite a long time. He made himself busy in the kitchen to cook them dinner as what he hoped would be a peace offering to distract himself from worrying too much more.

Dan had his headphones to listen to his favourite album as he tried to funnel his jumble of a mind into coherent thoughts. He realised the only way to really process it was to write it down.

_Do you wish Phil had never filmed the video for you? No._   
_Do you wish you could un-watch the video? No._   
_If you could take back the tears of pure happiness you cried at it, would you? No._   
_Do you still love Phil? Yes._   
_Did you love Phil before this? Yes._   
_Will you still love Phil tomorrow? Yes._   
_Have you been an asshole to Phil? Yes._   
_Does he have to forgive you? No._   
_Do you want to fix this? Yes._

As Dan stared as his pad of paper with these questions and answers written down on it he realised where he needed to start: with an apology to Phil.

Phil was about halfway through cooking enchiladas for them when worry started to creep into his mind again. He’d been cooking for about an hour and it had been around 4 with Dan locked away in his room. He rolled the last one, placing it in the pan and setting the oven to warm up before he wandered upstairs, stopping at Dan’s bedroom door. He didn’t knock or intrude, but he did listen in, listening for any signs of distress such as crying, yelling, talking to himself, or the song he would play quite loudly on repeat when he was really distressed. He heard what sounded like Dan typing at his computer, and since none of the other distress signals were there he went back to dinner, sighing softly as he walked away.

Dan was so absorbed in what he was doing he didn’t hear Phil come to his door. He stared back and forth between his note pad of questions and his computer screen of a typed apology. He wanted this to be as personal as possible but knew his handwriting was pure shit when he was emotional and he wanted Phil to be able to read this if his voice started to fail him. He stared at each sentence long and hard after he typed it, making sure it sounded like him and not like some forced bullshit he threw on a page. He meant every word in this apology and wanted Phil to know he meant it, too. It was time for him to get his shit together and start making up for his bad actions.

Nearly another hour later, Phil was done cooking dinner and was genuinely worried about Dan. As much as their relationship was stressed and strained, they had never broken up through this. Phil didn’t have the heart to do that to Dan no matter how badly he treated him, and Dan wasn’t strong enough to end it himself. He really cared about his boyfriend even when they were struggling, and Phil had honestly never seen Dan lock himself away for this long unless he was in distress. He meandered up to Dan’s room, having left the enchiladas in the oven at a very low temperature to keep them warm. He stopped at the door after hearing soft music playing from Dan’s room, songs he hadn’t heard since before everything started freaking out.

“Hey Dan, you alright?” Phil asked ever so softly at Dan’s door, wondering if Dan even heard him over the music.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Dan answered, taking a long deep breath before adding, “come in here for a sec, please?”

Dan hadn’t been this soft in a long time and Phil was beyond worried by it. He opened the door slowly, stepping into Dan’s room to see Dan facing the door, his face red as if he’d been crying, and a plethora of words on the screen, too small for Phil to make out from how far away he was.

“You sure you’re okay?” Phil asked ever so softly, kind of terrified that Dan was going to explode on him at any minute.

“I’m sure, I just – I really wanna talk,” Dan said softly, not yet making eye contact with Phil. He was in such a vulnerable position, an emotional headspace he hadn’t been in since the first night he spent at Phil’s house. “But only if you want to listen, I understand if you’d rather be somewhere else,” Dan added, his voice even softer as he gave Phil the chance to lead.

“I think we do need to talk, so of course I’ll listen, Dan,” Phil said softly, “may I sit?” He added, gesturing to the bed.

“Of course,” Dan said, turning his butt-sculpted chair so he was facing Phil, “And the screen is still up so that if I can’t seem to say words any more, you can read what I’m trying to say to you,” Dan added, staring at Phil’s hands as he tried to control his breathing.

Phil tilted his head as he sat down, slightly confused and completely forgetting about dinner in the oven as Dan started before Phil could ask any questions.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. And that doesn’t even begin to explain how I really feel because I’ve realised I’ve been a pure asshole to you for the past seven months. I was mad at YouTube, I was mad at the mean people, I was mad at myself for not yet loving myself, I was mad at the world, but not once was I truly ever mad at you – but every piece of anger, frustration, or rage that I felt I took out on you. And goddamn Phil, you did not deserve any of it. I don’t know how in the fuck you didn’t break up with me,” Dan paused to take a long deep breath. The words were just tumbling out and he forgot to breathe for the first round of sentences.

“I understand if you never want to forgive me, I don’t even deserve it after the shit I’ve been putting you through for what now feels like forever. You didn’t deserve me to be such an asshole to you and I really don’t know how in the hell you’ve been putting up with it. Like – even when you came up here to check on me I could tell you were scared I was gonna yell at you for something and to see that fear in your eyes breaks my heart. Not just to see you scared, but to see you scared because of me, and goddamn Phil I am so fucking sorry,” Dan rambled out, forgetting to breathe again as he tried to get all the words out. He meant everything that was flowing out of his mouth and he wanted to make sure Phil knew that.

“Dan, Dan, slow down, breathe,” Phil cooed softly, raising his arms in a calming gesture. He knew all these emotions were taking a toll on Dan but he knew that he meant every emotionally heavy word that fell out of his mouth.

Dan nodded slowly, pursing his lips together to stop himself from talking while he paused to breathe. He took a few long deep breaths, his heart rate not slowing down at all but his nerves starting to finally calm down.

“Phil, this is just my long and elaborate way to tell you I’m so fucking sorry,” Dan near whispered, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes as he looked down at his hands, ready to hear that Phil never wants to forgive him.

Phil got up off the bed, walking over to Dan and kneeling in front of him, gently cupping Dan’s cheeks to make his eyes meet his own.

“Dan, I love you. I forgive you. I’ll never forget but I’ll never hold this against you. I understand what was happening and the fact you ballsed up and stressed over this apology for me shows that you really care underneath this wall of anger and fear. Dan, I understand you’re scared and you don’t like what everyone has said. I really do,” Phil spoke gently, looking deep into Dan’s milk chocolate irises to see fear, love, and admiration gazing back into his own.

“I fucking love you, Phil Lester,” Dan said, slinking down off the chair to connect his lips to Phil’s, kissing him with a deep burning passion that was roaring within him. Phil forgave him and that’s all he ever wanted in life. He snaked his long arms around Phil’s neck, holding onto him tight as he kissed him, letting the tears flow down his cheeks.

Phil gasped softly as Dan kissed him, not having seen this much affection from Dan in a long time. He put his hands on Dan’s hips as he kissed him back, holding on tight to the younger boy, scared that if he let go this moment would never happen again.

Dan pulled back just far enough to mumble against Phil’s lips, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

“Me too,” Phil mumbled back, snaking his arms all the way around Dan’s waist to hold him tight, not wanting to let him go.

Dan pressed his forehead to Phil’s, looking deep into Phil’s crystal blue eyes, seeing his own affections reflected back in those irises he’d grown to love.

“Phil, make love to me,” Dan mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard, giving both of them room to back out if there weren’t ready to be physical with each other.

“I love you,” Phil said before he reconnected his lips to Dan’s, reaching for the waistband of Dan’s sweatpants to push them down, silently appreciating that Dan still didn’t like boxers under his sweats.

Rather than pull back to say it back to Phil, Dan held on tighter to Phil, moving his arms to under Phil’s t-shirt to hold on tight around the elder’s torso. He moved his arms up, pushing up the slightly baggy t-shirt in the process as he held on tight to his boyfriend.

Phil broke away just long enough for Dan to push his shirt over his head, letting Dan toss it away to be dealt with later while he worked on Dan’s, pushing it up over his head and letting it fall somewhere else. Phil quickly reconnected their lips in a messy clash of teeth and tongue as they both grew needier. They craved each other like they craved air to breathe after how long they’d been pulled apart, and the reconnection was what they needed to remind themselves of that fact.

Dan moved his hand to the waistband of Phil’s jeans, undoing and pushing them down for Phil to kick off with a remembrance, as if he had just made this same motion yesterday. He pulled the elder’s boxers along with the jeans, his left hand quick to wrap his long fingers around Phil’s half-hard cock, smiling into their messy kiss as he felt his boyfriend sigh in pleasure – a sound he hadn’t heard in quite a long while.

Phil pulled back gently, snaking his hand down to still Dan’s hand for a moment. He smiled at Dan’s pout at being stopped before suggesting, “how about we move to the bed?”

“Sounds good,” Dan replied, getting up faster than ever, pulling Phil along with him. As soon as Phil was up, he pushed Phil back and down onto the duvet, crawling himself over his lover.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, pulling him back down to start another kiss, slowing them down almost like they were relearning each other as their tongues brushed against each other. They kissed slow yet heavy, exploring each other’s mouths almost as if it was their first night together all over again. Both boys were burning with desire and passion yet neither of them wanted to move fast, they never wanted it to end.

After what felt like a blissful eternity, Dan started gently grinding his hips against Phil’s, grinding their naked cocks together as he moved. Both boys let out soft, breathy moans into the other’s mouth as they got such a small amount of friction. Phil held on slightly tighter to Dan to roll them over, putting himself over the younger boy so he was in position to move them further.

“Top drawer, like always,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s lips, loosely throwing his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, giving him room to reach but scared he would leave the bed and leave him high and dry in some kind of twisted revenge act.

Phil nodded, reaching to the top drawer of Dan’s bedside table for the bottle of lube Dan was talking about. He poured a generous amount on to his fingers before warming it up between his fingers. Once ready, he dipped down for one last soft kiss before pushing his first finger into Dan.

Dan gasped loudly, wiggling against the duvet. It had been so long since they did this with real passion that he really did need the stretch. He let Phil move, not whining or begging for more to make sure Phil never left – he didn’t want to be too annoying too soon.

Phil smiled softly down at Dan as he moved his finger in and out of Dan, letting him adjust for a moment before he added a second finger. Dan bit down on his lip as Phil stretched him, letting his body to lax under his boyfriend’s touches to ensure there was no pain.

“You’re so good for me, baby,” Phil purred softly, running his free hand up and down Dan’s bare torso as he scissored his fingers inside Dan.

Dan hummed a gentle response as he wiggled against the duvet. He was painfully hard already and wanted nothing more than for Phil to be inside of him, but he knew as well as Phil that he wasn’t ready yet and resigned himself to wiggling down against Phil’s fingers.

“Ready?” Phil asked softly as he pushed his third finger against Dan’s entrance, not yet pushing in until he had permission.

“Yes, ready,” Dan breathed out ever so softly, a loud gasp escaped his lips into a loud moan as Phil pushed the third finger in him, curling his fingers just right to find his prostate right away.

Phil had memorised where Dan’s prostate was in his lover so long ago and he wanted to do everything in his power to make Dan feel amazing tonight – they deserved a night of real passion together to rekindle the love they had for each other.

Dan moaned softly as he fisted the duvet under him. It was like a firework going off in his body every time Phil hit his prostate as every nerve ending in his body lit up in pleasure. It had been too long since Phil really explored him, his heart filling with joy and love under his boyfriend’s touch.

“Good?” Phil asked, asking in one word if Dan was stretched enough to move on.

“Yes. Please,” Dan begged softly, first answering Phil’s question before gently pleading for more from his boyfriend.

“I love you,” Phil reiterated softly, leaning over to press a long and tender kiss to Dan’s forehead as he used the leftover lube on his hand to coat his hard cock.

“I love you too,” Dan replied softly, a smile wide across his face as Phil’s lips lingered on his forehead.

Phil rested his forehead against Dan’s softly as he lined himself up and pushed ever so gently into the boy under him. He moaned ever so softly as Dan was tighter than he remembered, and it took all of his willpower to not buck straight into the younger in one push. This was love, not a quick fuck just to get off.

Dan threw his arms around Phil’s neck, holding the older man tight to him as he adjusted to being so full. It was no real secret that Phil was well endowed and Dan loved the feeling of being full by Phil’s cock more than he could ever put into words. Before the turmoil that hit their lives there had been times they indulged in some quite kinky and adventurous sex, but this time both boys were more than happy to partake in a vanilla night of love making.

Once Dan was fully adjusted, he nodded to Phil, letting him know he could move. Phil tilted his head down to connect his lips to the younger’s for a long, passionate kiss as he began to move himself through Dan. Soft moans escaped their way into Dan’s mouth as they kissed, met by Dan’s moans as he kissed back, holding on to the boy on top of him.

Dan moved his hands to Phil’s back, lightly scratching at it as his back arched up, his bare chest meeting the elder’s. Dan broke apart from the kiss, letting his head fall back against the pillow under him. Soft breathy pants of “yes” and “oh Phil” escaped his lips as Phil moved through him, nothing but pure love flowing through him.

Phil gradually increased his pace, wanting the moment to last forever but remembering that this was the beginning of much better days to come. Soft grunts and gentle moans left his mouth, his head dangling into the crook of Dan’s neck as he moved. He angled his hips just right to make sure he hit right at Dan’s prostate with every thrust, wanting his lover to really enjoy the moment with him. He kissed at Dan’s exposed collarbone, nibbling softly on the skin as he felt that familiar building within him that told him the end was drawing near.

“Ah, close,” Dan panted out, his grip on Phil tightening up as he felt his body grow hot, his muscles tightening as he felt his orgasm quickly approaching with Phil hitting right on his sensitive bundle of nerves with every thrust.

“Me too,” Phil mumbled back, his lips still on Dan’s soft skin. His thrusts became slightly jerkier and faster as need overcame the both of them as they made their way to orgasm.

Dan came first, harder than he had in a long time as pure passion, lust, love, and desire coursed through his body. Hot white streaks painted his torso as he came untouched under Phil. He squeezed his eyes shut, his vision shooting white for a long moment as Phil milked him through his orgasm.

Phil came nearly with Dan as Dan’s hole fluttered and tightened around his cock, sending him over the edge. He rode out his high with the younger boy until he was sure Dan was done, slightly loving the way his body under him twitched and writhed with the aftershocks.

Ever so gently Phil pulled out of Dan, nearly flopping himself down next to the other boy. Both of them panted hard as they attempted to catch their breath, comfortable in the silence of the room.

Dan reached over to his bedside table for a handful of tissues, using them first to clean off his own torso before rolling over to Phil’s, ever so gently running a clean tissue over Phil’s toned torso, making sure to clean him off before the cum dried down into his slight bit of chest hair.

Once the two boys were cleaned enough, Dan tossed the tissues in the direction of the wastebasket and curled himself against Phil’s chest.

“I love you,” Dan mumbled softly against Phil’s chest, almost ready to go into another apology monologue before Phil cut him off.

“I love you too,” Phil replied, effectively cutting Dan off, “and I know you’re sorry. I know you were gonna say it again.”

Dan blushed softly, giggling ever so softly at how well Phil knew him.

“But,” Phil started, “I want this back in our lives. Cuddles, happiness, joy, giggles, pointless touching, and this amazing sex; I want it all back. We might have a few rough days here and there, but we can do it.”

“What did I ever do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?” Dan questioned softly, tucking his head into Phil’s neck.

Phil laughed loudly as he remembered what he started earlier, startling Dan out of his little bubble.

“What’s so funny?” Dan asked, beyond confused.

“Before all this I started dinner. It’s waiting for us in the oven,” Phil laughed out, wondering if it was still even good.

“You know what, I would love to partake in a nice dinner with you that you made. As long as I can light a candle,” Dan teased, reaching a hand up to poke at Phil’s cheeks.

“Sounds like a plan,” Phil said, a smile still wide across his face as he rolled off of Dan’s bed, pulling the younger boy with him as he led them to the kitchen where they could rekindle another part of their love with a home cooked dinner.


End file.
